This Hole I'm In
by Captain113518931
Summary: Victoire is depressed Warning: mentions of Self-Harm and Suicide


**This story was written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. The prompts i have used are; Bleeding Heavily, Uncovered and Glory.**

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_Depression is when you have lots of love, but no one is taking- Doug Coupland_

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Victoire stared down at her wrists. They were bleeding heavily and staining the sheets. She cried as she thought about what her life had become and slipped further into her world of darkness and depression. She had been this way ever since Teddy left her for Dominique. She cringed when she thought about how easy it was for him to let her go when she clung to him as if her life depended on his love. To be honest her life did depend on it. She knew this because of where she was now. She knew she had a problem but she was to afraid to admit it out loud. She remembered when it all began.

It started during the Summer. Victoire was growing more and more in love with Teddy, however she began to notice the looks he was sharing with Dom. At first she brushed it off and didn't think much of it but then looks turned into touches. Victoire would notice Teddy's hand accidentally brushing Dom's and the blush that would colour both of their cheeks. That was when Victoire knew she was losing him, so she did everything in her power to make sure he didn't leave. Unfortunately everyone knows the harder you try to hold onto something the more it tries to get away and inevitably Teddy left Victoire. This sent her spiralling out of control.

She began to withdraw and became introverted. She was withering away into a shadow and she was scared. She had began slicing her wrists because she was empty and the pain reminded her that she could still feel something. Even if it wasn't pleasant. She had so much love to give but no one would take it. She had always been second best to the rebellious and outgoing Dominique Weasley. She was their families favourite child and was admired by everyone for her ability to speak her mind. Victoire was the exact opposite. She was quiet and obedient. Victoire would follow rules to the letter and tried so hard to get people to love her. She would constantly try and outdo her sister but to no avail. She was so happy when Teddy asked her out. Finally someone realised her potential although eventually she lost him to Dom to. She was hurt. She was lost. She needed help.

Victoire was in a hole and she needed to get out. Eventually she was buried to deep and knew she had to see someone. But she couldn't. She shrivelled at the thought of leaving her small dingy flat and she was scared of what she might find. She didn't want to continue on the way she was going but she didn't see what she could do. She was embarrassed that she'd let things get this far and she thought it was too late to turn back. She had decided that soon she would end it all and she'd go out with a bang.

She had everything planned. It was her birthday and she was making a very special trip to London. She dressed in a simple white dress and pulled her hair into a neat ponytail. She almost looked half alive. It was amazing what a good shower and a change of clothes could do. She apparated to London and began to slowly stroll through the twisting streets. Eventually Victoire found herself standing on the edge of the Millennium bridge. The view was amazing. The nighttime lights gleamed and glistened off the shimmering Thames. The stars twinkled in the sky and the moon illuminated the city and all its beauty. The breeze was soft and gentle against her pale skin. Victoire took a deep breath. "Happy Birthday to me." She whispered to no one as she leapt off the edge and plummeted towards the water.

Victoire felt a sense of relief as she fell. She felt like she was flying. The wind whistled past her and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Her hair tickled her face as she fell and the cool breeze slipped through her weak flailing fingers. Victoire felt free. However all good things come to an end and before she knew it the cool water engulfed her and everything went black.

Victoire awoke with a start. Her mind was foggy and the room was black except for a few rays of sunlight streaming through the cracks in her curtains. She slowly came to and uncovered the blankets around her. She felt a if she was suffocating. She had been having the same dream for six months now and due to her introverted antisocial behaviour she couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. That scared her. Every night she would feel free and the dream would feel so real and then she would wake up and feel absolute terror shake her to her core. The confusion and the blending of reality and fiction is what frightened her the most because it reminded her that she had lost all control. She had had enough. She was tired of feeling like this. After days of mental anguish Victoire decided it was finally time that she got the help she desperately needed.

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It was a Monday morning and Victoire was sitting in a sterile white waiting room. She nervously rubbed her hands together and bounced her legs in agitation. Her shirt felt like it was choking her and she kept tugging at her collar in a desperate attempt to open her closing lungs. She had arranged this appointment with a wizarding psychologist about a week ago and almost didn't turn up. She was so scared. She felt like throwing up. In her state of panic she didn't notice the man sitting across from her. "Hey. Are you okay? You don't look to well." He said warmly with a smile playing on his lips. "I'm fine." Victoire breathed. That was the first casual conversation Victoire had had in a long time. Unfortunately the timing couldn't be any worse and the fact that he was pretty good looking didn't help her either. He had dark blue eyes and shaggy blond hair, a straight nose and a cheeky lopsided grin. "From the looks of things I take it it's your first time in a place like this." He said.  
"Yeah." Victoire said giving a shaky laugh.  
"I'm Adrian Smith by the way."  
"Victoire Weasley...but everyone calls me Vic."  
"This may not be a good time to ask but...i was wondering...if maybe...you'd like to grab some coffee sometime?" He asked sheepishly. His eyes were darting nervously around the room.  
"I'd love to." Victoire blurted before she knew what she was saying. He grinned his charming lopsided grin at her.  
"Awesome! How about 4 O'Clock, Wednesday at the Leaky Cauldron?"  
"Sounds good." Victoire smiled. It felt good to smile. That was something she hadn't done in a long time and as her name was called to go and see the Healer she couldn't help the feeling of glory rushing through her veins. She suddenly felt as if she had found something, or rather someone, to live for.

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**Thanks so much for reading :) Please review and I hoped you enjoyed reading. Thanks**

**-Captain113518931**


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